When you are pulling out of a conflict, you might be using various techniques such as IgnorePeople, DiminishingReplies, and FadeAway, because you feel that the original issue is no longer worth discussing. This might happen when consensus cannot be reached, or when the discussion starts to degenerate into a FlameWar. Be sure not to ignore the emotional issues, however.

Sometimes the original issues are not the point anymore. People may feel offended, betrayed, or misrepresented. These emotional issues may come up while discussing the original issue; when closing the discussion about the original issue, do not assume you can close the discussion about the new emotional issues with it. If you do that, you are offering a wall of silence to the offended party.

Depending on the character of the other party, this might lead to deeper entanglement where you were trying to pull out: More FlameBait being presented, more criticism of your past and current actions, more emotional involvement by other parties, more reputation damage to everybody involved -- whether you like it or not, and whether you are trying to pull out or not. The mechanisms feeding this deeper entanglement vary:

Therefore, even if you think that the original issue no longer bears discussing, or if you think that the discussion is degrading, sometimes you can't help taking that last FlameBait: You will have to face the emotional issues. Sometimes a CleanBreak is the only way to pull out. NameTheConflict and duke it out one last time.


"I can't hear you: I'm inside my protective blanket of fear"

I don't understand "protective blanket of fear." -- AlexSchroeder

I remember that as kids we'd close our ears using the palms of our hands and shout "I can't hear you! I'm not listening!" (Ich hör' dich nicht!) -- but that is not a "wall of silence." -- AlexSchroeder

Fear is one motivation, and a powerful one, for silence. Fear of consequences, fear of making a situation worse. Note that to a third party, your wall of silence is equivalent to a wall of not hearing. Perhaps this is one advantage of DiminishingReplies - it acknowledges receipt.


EditNearLinks: NameTheConflict FlameWar